MY BOY-HOOD EXPERIENCE AND THE FAMINE

When a boy (1940--43) and ever living in rural set -up of the then EAST -BENGAl, (in our village in Dist Barsal), where I was ever happy and never knowing a metropolitan life. I stili rememember three good things that I did and shall ever remember and be proud of until the last day of my conscious living.
I. I was 10 or 11 yrs of age then and first ventured to our weekly market place (Juluhar) abour 2 miles far and at the end of our next village.. After doing the marketting I gave the full account to my mother, My labour -tip was the stamdard 2 paise ( copper coin) out of which one paise I spent for a ras-golla( ball of paneer soaked in seet juice and the other was my saving. Suddenly I found that I had extra 3 paise with me . and on rechecking with my mother's help , I suddenly rememebered that I forgot to pay the Beatle -sellar his due.. The Sun was already sliding down and the nexxt marketing day( Hut-bar) was 3 days -far. So I decided to make it before the darkness came down and covered the distance and met the man ewatning and panting and paid him his 3 paise. The man looked ant my tuin body and sweating. The beatle -seller received it and blessed me profusely. ano on return , my mother too. I think , these blessingss had lasting effect on my life.

II.It was (1942--'43) or Famous Bengal famine -time ( 1350; Begali Calender) Almost 80 percent people of our village and all aroun and beyond were starving. Though we were not poor ( my father had a Boarding house business in Delhi), I found al most all my cousins and play- mates did not have full meal each day. one of my distant cousin ( kartik ) living about half a mile away was my friend too. they were really in a very wretched condition. They were three brothers , had a sister with a widowed mother. They were always poor and now almost starving.
One day he came to me at our house and told that he had no meals last night this moring had only somr boied rice -poder (.IKhud ). I felt his hunger within me that day , don't why.I was only 11 or 12 . And I went in got a pot and filled it with enough Rice grains ( abour 5 seers - [6kgs by togays term ] and gave him . My mother was busy in the kitchen and brothers also not in the house. So nobody knew. and that was my first stealng from our own house. And it was ,perhaps a theft, for which I shal ever remain proud.

III.Within months our whole area was engulfed by FAMINE ( I was not much aware about the outside world ). Soon there was COMMUNITY feeding Centres opened in our area . and more than half of our villagers used to come there with full family (children too), to eat at the FREE MEAL CENTER (only rice-soup with some DAL(pulsees).
I used go there almost daily to know how they can eat that balnd liquid rice and boiled leaves ! and one day , just to know by direct experience , I sat with them and tookk and swallowed that meal of (NANGAR -HKANA)'. That was then only my life to know but not enough wide awarenees to absorb anf feel.,

THE LANDSCAPE & THE LORDS

The Landscape and the Lords

Now Falcons and vultures are flying high
to scan the Land for respective prey
when la'irs and psycophants are 'vigilantes' now
where to hide or to whom to pray !

Feigning foxes are standing guards
skeletons dumped , made burial ground
The deaf and dumb are the gentle tribe
Lion's land now is ruled, - by hungry hound.
( composed : Sept.21,2011)

WHAT ARE WE , REALLY

Thursday, September 15, 2011What is LIFE & LOVE ?
Realy ! what we are ? We the last Bipid living animal ife or more repected logo Bipid Homosapien , the extentension of last animal life with Expandig CONSCIOUSNESS extending beyond all barrier of nature unto or beyond all universes and exploring the Grand design. Now the physicist like early Phylosophers are raising questions not written in physics nor in Cosmology.

Schrodinger's book "what is ife' raised similar querry'.
OR
" does a fish know any thing about the water within which it is iving throught life' - Einstein in 'Out of later years' Even a small fry like myself once wrote a poem ( published0 in WHERE DREAMS BEGIN ,while U.S.A titled Man tthe 'COSGMIC Biologic RObot"
A frog in the little pool is happier than us in the sense that it has neither the capacity nor the need to know any more than ,-eat and breed and be marry.
Man is like a one flower on the deser- Ocean casting fragrance all beyond without knowing --why or what for.
These are questions also integrated in our life , living and love for iving and also for existence and feeling for Unity and affection; and so.... !
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MY LIFE MY POEM - III

Now how should I start, what I can never finish as this is a circle that is so close to it's returning point ever... never meet but ever expands like EXPANDING UBIVERSE.. Yet I have to try as, I am approaching the Finish-Line of my Physical form and do not like to carry on a LOAD that is becoming heavier, the more I hold it and not release. Even scientist like Schrodinger has written a book --'WHAT IS Life ' and EINSTEIN searchrd ever for FIELD theories and even admitted that 'the fish will never know , in ful he water it lives witin' ; even after chaining Matter-Enersy in Capcular form. And no body knows yet the " mind of God [ though the fault lay in the Name itself].Any way :
What is LOVE !? iS IT ALL PHYSICAL AND BOILOGICAL ,OR MIXED MUTABLE OR EVER IMMUTABLE and wHO KNOWS ?
" THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND Earth THAN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY " --Shakes peare who did not buid a " CERN" ot side, found an Equation that wiil last as long as any Cosmology. Einstein himself urged to make
' make it simple but don't make it simper'. So let me try;

It was 2001 and I was was 70 trs+.( I told a part of my life story and experience in the begining in my Autobiography and inspite of Marck Twain. Any way, I and my family ,[ with my children married and established ; all with U.S.A Citizen ship] I came to Delhi alone, leaving my house to a BUILDER . I went to CALCUTTA ( Not then ,KOLKATA) to ny wifw's frieds place for 7 days trip to relax and try publishing my next book " ABAAR FIREY ELAAM".-a book of poems .
Have already told this story before; how I met a lady of 40 plus , found that she was a poet and I was over filled with joy and hope that after being almost in EXILE from my literay root and poetry-world God returned me my dream -land- joy of my literary Passions.
And we were friends quicker than " love at first sight' But I warn my readers --there was no love any deep desire in me. As alredy told I was 70 + and I had a type of passion for ART , more intense than physical and sensual joys.
One day her eyes moistened after I recited my poem , then I became curious . Another day after learning that I visited her Area on my morning walk , withut meeing her,she she was overwlelmed in her feminiee ,emotional joy to expand in search. Afterwards I analysed this poetic traps and dicovered that both of us had false roots. She a a married mother with two talented children and a golden -hearted husband . And though never a frind nor a poet , my wife had every thing to make me happy and be proud . Yet in 7 days we became friends, promised that we will remain so and also promised that we wont be physical and touch each other and we kept it for renaining 3-4 days. even more credit goes to her than me in this decision. She writes bautiful poem and I even translated one.I left Calcutta for Delhi . she came to the station with a Sweet- Packet and parted in a 5-10 minutes. We found not much things to talk about!........ Slipping back on memory line, I rember, one day she asked me what will be the fate of our friend -ship that 'now you are an American and never know if and when we meet again, I promised to reply on phone or E-mail and then I asked-' what type is your hausband? she looked straight on my face and with humour and replied - he is so golden hearted and good in every way'- and to tease me told , 'even better than you in many ways'. I absorbed the punch and replied -' Know one thing from me , **I am not born to burn a happy home. So we wil ever remain friends and some day I shal, vist your home and meet your husband and childrren. she agreed and we rturned to our respective shelter.
***** and as we both promised ,we never broke our vow. That way even BISWHWAMITRA could respect and follow me.. Of course without her charater and help , I might not have succeeded ,And my age also helped me . Bad Luck is , - even when I excelled in Character , my wife with her long-time experience with me did not appreciate my strength of character but reacted violently.
But as i was too much egoistic with enough faith in myself, I neiter compromised nor did care , really !
-------------
Meteors fall and accidents happen even on Earth, from GODS heaven. !..... As alredy hinted before ,it was after I came back to U.S.A and during an e-mail connecion ( neither of us knew yet how to handle the machine and we both got stuck 'dead'on the key and sought the help of my son to get the message My son came and helped and like a spark her message -' I love you '-hit me in front of my son. Me and my son wwere ever friends , he cut a swwet joke - 'what is it dad !' and was smiling and I explained and he understood.. But ... within 48 hrs heavy clouds assembled around with declarattion of a storm because his mother was ever of serios Lady of different Vivration and could not absorb and assimilate the humour no the real grais of the incedent when my son offered her at a pre-dinner soup he always cuts jokes with me) ----------...............-----------
And I lost my blossoming heaven on either side and for 10 years since and even now my sky is ever , most often,cast though cooling down in ENTROPIC DESIGN.
Yes my love for poetry also suffered for long and now I am trying to revive it and re-live my ever happy Life , though with touches of great greek-tragedie, here and there.
And no !, un like modern Western Cuture, we are not seperated but is covering in full , the path of 'RETURNED'. Of course, my greatest set back has been the loss of a very good FRIENDin my life and who had no fault or ill design and we wanted to me good friends on UTOPEAN GROUND, and that was possible scanning our age, But GREEK TRAGEDIES are written for , --as we desire or decide.

And the loss, a have lost a Great Friend and , perhaps forever !....SO W H A T !! . " Man must not Live by BREAD alone" - Bible .
The End

My LIFE Story - II

In my life every thing started quite late and not before many hurdles and deceptive obstructions and temptations that I had to overcome not by my courage or skill alone but some subtle force and invisible light that is better accepted as Pre-deatination.Just as what is invisibe to our 20/20 vision is visible with deeper vision, many things we often declare as absurd can happen as Natural events under cercumstances beyond our grsp and grip. In my life that approached at this stage some mturity , quite late. And myy love for knowledge and books was aso a late phenomena.. Up to matruculatuon ( standard X, I had no scope ,desire or luck to voyage with the journey of knowledge. that was the advantage or fault of Rural life and un-like Modern children and boys/girls , I was lucky. A few books realy moulded my ife more than any thing else . They are DATTWA by Sarat Chandra(bengai) to rarn writing story, Around the World in Eighty days by Jules verne, Oldman and the Sea by Hemmingway and in later ife ,- works of George Bernard shaw and Swami Vivekananda . they taught me in the art of telling & writing , guiding to anaise socia and mora values and now in my after-noon and evening ife.- Kathamrita, everything of EINSTEIN, the GEETA, UPanishats,and SAMHITAS (Post-vedic).
Coming back to real Life-stories I was a emotionnal boy when I shoud have been a man and when I was mouded into a man I had more to strugge about for my mere srttlement in economic word. and Quoting G.B.S, I dare say that I had no success in the world of Romance and love util I left my 30 yrs behind.
In my young days poverty or life of lower midde cass put stricture on my dreaming ventures and really speaking I was always cautious like a miser not to over-spend for any thing or anybody . So I wwas never a well-dressed smart boy . more over in my teen-age and twenties ,I was bony- slim and my Mongolian features more revealed. I was too much conscious of my limitation and so never dared to face any girl for friend-ship.In medical colege , when finally I was declared a smart , intelligent and talented, it was too late and with economic shakles ! Any way my failure s in romance helped me to build up myself to make-up and to catch up.
My marriage was neither a love-marriage nor a Social marriage but almost like a challenge to prove myself and my views and faith. and I was lucky otherwise.----------.
As already told before that I had my dream and choice but I dared not to approach the girl of Medical College, whom I liked admired and adoredand who also liked and admred me . But the class and economic gap was too deep to dare to abridge. It was ever a romantic dream.
After my marriage it was a battlle for building family -ife and also my romance wth Art & Literature i.e potry, Drama and other literary voyages etc. During my student life somr event tried to trap me by alluring me to life oflife of flesh but my genetic or inherent poise and ideas in life saved me from those very tricky trap and really, God, perhaps helped me..I personally deserve no credit for that except I was saved by Divine decision. Between 1995 & -96, I came from USA to Delhi far 2-3 month's change and went with SRI Aurobina -Ashram team to NAINITAL Yoga centre.There wee 300 to 400 disciples and tousists that asembled in the AShrsm on the top of the Hill with beautiful surroundings for Yoga Practices and Lectures,. Some one fell sick and his mother was very much nervous in un-known surroundings. There then I had the chance to show my professiona skill and the boy with pneumonia became alright in two days and I became amost famous and very popular. A very ,cultured, educated Lady,-(Teacher) UN-married & 40+ . slim and smart came closer to me gradually . She was a bengali and learned about my being a poet and a writer too. We talked and talked like friends . And one day wlile stroling together she tried to lead me to a very loney corner of the Ashram, do not no why . But my genetic or natural incapacity inspird me to make an excuse and escape.May be, she was not meaning any thing wrong and I was only aprehending non- existenet cumination . After that I tried to avoid her and on the third day we returned to Delhi , Of course she invited me to come to her place in South Cacutta but it never happened. I was aready nearing 60 and it is too much to try to be any anymore sportive and be desirable to any kind.

MY ROOT MY LIFE ----- I

AND WHO IS AFRAID OF MARCK TWAIN __I AM NOT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Autobiographers are greatest LI'ars . " - Marck Twain

I am now Scanning myself on the Time-scale od 82 years. So I am neither bonded Labour of this life nor a tempted candidate for the other world . And nd afraid of teling about mysef , inspite of Twain.My experience in ife is huge and anyone of any layer of living can be out-weighed by my experience.
I was reared up ,after birth in the remotest village of RURAL Bengal where even a Cycle was a piece of Science fiction ('Time Machine').
My child hood mates were daiy wager's or ordinary house holder's children laboure's children .My play -mates were even Domestic beigs ( I hate the word 'animal) and the way the word is abused) ..
I feel lucky that my first 12 yrs allowed me evolve naturally in the village and i was almost a sick boy 4days out of a week, rejected for all sports and had the chance to observe and assimiliate every happennings and developments in its primal form. That shoud be enough for Marck twain to record and make conclusion.
The most of my early years from final school to medica life, I have given almost in pictorial form before.One thing I loved! I live and grow on the lap of Nature and the Divine bestowed on in full and I sipped it and lived it in full.
I told , also bfore that a ASTRNOMY -Astrologist told to my father ( by simply observivg my forehead that I woud come close to many great men of INDIA and had a great phiisophica natura bend of mine but fame woud never be to he eve of my performance . It realy happened
Being even totally out side higher Social Circe :
duty1. I came in direct contact with J. NEHRU, Enjoyed rea with Him ( 26th jANUARY DUTIES AT TA KATORA gARDEN DUTIES for cosecutive 3 years. I had even photographed with him( on duty ){ Afterwords I tore that photo to fberate mysef drom great-connections)
I am a type of whimsical, adament a egoistic type of youth.
Before thatI n 1949 Mahatama was passing by the Mirza pr srteet and i refused to join my fried to see him claiming that i did not seek oportunity but meet when I deserve.
I 1956-57 while in Delhi as Medical officer , during Jaundice epidemic i had the sole charge of openig a hospitak in TIBIA COLLEGE,near Ajmal khan Park.. I was on Night Duty the previous night. the dorector advised me to come at 10 am to meetHealth Minister (Karmarkar) to be introduced to and praised for my performance. I declined to come beyond my duty to meet anyone to be appreciated. The director that I was a crazy young man and agreed.
In 1971, Sj Jogjivan Ram , the defence minister came to grace my ART & MUSICS SHOW, Composed and Directed by me and it was a grat success.
AHindra chaudhury was present on my recitation of my own poem on Rabindranath and praised me personally.
I had the rare luck , sitting close to INDIRA GANDHI , SANJAI GANDHI & RAJIV Gandhi while enjotying Dance performance of ANANDA SHAKAR in KAMANI HALL DELHI
I enjoyed even a press interview party at INDIRA GANDIS HOUSE in the evening and my presence there was, just a co-incidence by the invitation from my neighbour Smt ARUNA Chakrabort of C.E park.
Even While in U.S.A I and my wife had good chance of meeting the prsent Vicepresident of U.S.A , Joe Biden. He was from the same state[ DELAWARE ]and even in mid-90s ,once came to canvas for his election as a Senator.
Al these I am scavanging out of my Memory to let it float and also to support with facts that Fate drew me within the Boundary of so many International personaities without any worthy Bio-data of ysef
Next i shal Relate some of my personal experiences and ajso my satis facut fy Marck Twain ( Contd)

I WILL NOT REST :

I WILL NOT REST
( Remembering those who SLICED my Mother - Land)

No I shall not rest; like dumb onlooker
you can't buy my admiration nor praise
or demand more tolerance -no, I affirm
I am not a dummy nor a tool for purchase
Neither a pawn on your chess-board, Sir
Nor shall dance like puppet to strings

Long back 'YOU' butchered my MOTHER -Land
for your POLITICAL GAIN fooling us all
and a camouflaged - gift of freedom and hope
now know ,-those hungry sharks &hyena howl!
and foxes dancing around. for smelling -meals!

Six decades and more so, sipped us past
FREEDOM itself now your gaining- tool
my Mother -Land RAPED and ravished -thus
now lying , bar en , robbed of flesh in full
And blood flowing out -of her shrivelled veins
Kn awed and chewed by your Canine urge'

Don't care, - what your heritage Past
or, what-Gandhi was your GURU or Kin
If hiding DNA is the proof of 'Blood ''
re- incarnated villains are on the field
in unison and with canine- greed
now planning like dark-devil to breed.

You drove me out of my childhood love
and Mother's Lap by dividing her( with butcher's knife)
I was thrown out , a weeping child
now am an old and finished 'Life'

So much so !-- have nothing to lose
My waning breath and shrivelled tongue
has learnt to spit scorching fire
and my venomous breath to frighten all

My spitting words my final wrath
for you all who made me so
by being the lineage of Ruling line
SLICING my Mother so Serene and green
into two halves ; and divided her
for raw or roast-y fleshy gain

I shall speak out and spit out fire
so long alive and REMEMBER all..
(composed on Sept. 13. 2011)

PREFERRED LIFE

That fish is not happy in the pool
how do you know it , ----eh ?
Sometimes with upward pressure of stream
it appears on the surface ---sometimes
to breath the free air under the blissful sky
and the pent up air of it's lungs
finding vent through the gills --
joyfully effervesces ---or
like to keep afloat ed some time.

Presently, ---to have a feel of it's self
begins to dive-in again -poising on it's fins
or, maybe, goaded by the curious stares around
quietly slips down beyond all gaze

It likes not to be your game
No ! not even by the praise of salivating tongues
and admired - 'delicious ' !
nor even by your singular love for it
assuring a cosy asylum in the Aquarium
and the regular dole of costly meal
bonding with you as 'prisoned'- guest

That is why you say
the little fish is not happy in the pool
How do you know it , --pray ?
[Published (1983) in the book "The Murderedmoon and other poems of Phani Basu from Delhi, India;Translated by Umanath Bhattacharya ]

THE LARGEST MOON !

The largest Moon I ever saw when a child
It's silvery rim with effulgent glow leaped beyond
over flowing the Sky.

And ever since it started to shrink and as I grew
in experience
in Modern- time unto this mature age
and today
the largest Moon of my child-hood life
has receded now, to present size !

My last poem

LAST CANVAS

Hold it up --the cerulean Sky
my last CANVAS
as I want to paint with pigment of love
the Sun-set gloom with fading glow
I know ----------
soon --- I 'll have to leave
and less time to see
the coming Century grow
or time to baby-sit for long
My aging sight , now fading fast
I know ---
my cut-piece time.

Yet hold it up , the Sky , -- my Canvas last
till, I paint it full --my Sun-set theme -and
while I have still -----Some time .
( published in 'Where Dreams Begin ' , Poetry .com, U.S.A)

Emigrating Birds -- or N_R-I s

EMIGRATING BIRDS OR NRIs

Now they fly
the Emigrating birds of East
to western Sky
As it opens up -now
the hands on the handle of door
tremble more

The UN-known Future sky
allure them , all , to fly
for golden day or immolating turn
The Milk-way day
may or may not ---hold promise
yet the birds must fly
or rest with UN-conceived dream

To fly or not to try ,it seems
ending now in final theme
A decisive thrust to act ---
the claws clutching the branch
then spreading it's wings
for a distant flight.
(composed in 1993 ; published in 'Where Dreams Bigin'-1993, U.S.A )