AUTOBIOGRAPHY : Paradise Lost! -XI

Came back again to U.S.A of my iving for last 10 years and started adjusting to new conditions . I was now 72 yrs and a U.S.A citizen and all my children were now in U.S.A and we two , old couple, were living in the home of my son in Delaware, near a Golf -club Lake with picturasque surroundings . Yet U.S.A was not a right place for old couple like us and felt , easiy, like up-rooted tree on indifferent Soil, in late life. I remembered the old lines of a poem : ' All dressed up and no where to go '.
My wife was a very cool type while I, always on changing vibration and frequency . I gave up Medicine for love of poetry, painting and wood-sculpture. and thought myself lucky to have a friend, at ast, who was a poet herself and I built up dreams to talk and talk to her on poetry , painting and art for the rest of ife, even when away from India. But things now happened so differenty after the recent episode! My wife preffered silence even in that of our lony iving with our sons and daughter living in their own places . I always wanted to invent ideas and expresss thoughts she ,now, was more within zone of silence. I could not ,even, enter into a dialogue( she was so upset and angree) to convince her that I did nothing wrong and never betrayed. Silence is the worst barrier in field of communication and I was also adament , for - I knew I did much better than even Vishwamitra ( the mythological Deva with Menaka.)... . So time passed by in U.S.A where I lived like an exile except the fact that all my family members were there but no scope to express myself. Of course the computer was my best friend and my chidren tried their best , to keep me happy. But my happiness lay in the field of creative culture not entertainment or iving in comfort.
I was filling up space after space, pages after pages on Poetry.com and even got an Editor's chaice award ( bronze medal) . I wrote on Geeta , on Bible , on Islam, on Kathamrita and what not. I took up Cosmology as my favourite hobby since I came to U.S.A and had read Upanishads and searched for co-relation and found some and was excited , even in depression. I finished a few books (from Dirac to Ed.witten and 'Strings') and compared them with yogavashishtha & Atma Geeta and strated putting them on Blogs.
In short, I felt defeated and thrown down but I was lifting myself up and fighting back though I was losing on both worlds of my friendship and loving reation with my wife.